Mnemonic
by LisaDouglas
Summary: EVERYONE reacts to the birth of Anna's baby.
1. It's Coming: The Dinner Table

_**It's Coming**_

The Dinner Table

"It's coming!" Carson announced proudly as some the staff sat down to dinner, his wife at his side.

By now everyone knew. Baxter thought it was amazing how the news seemed to sweep a house of this size so fast, suddenly dictating most everything going on between its many, many walls. She'd been at Downton almost four years, but was still floored at the generosity and caring the family was showing Anna at this time. It wasn't as if it were simply one of the ladies maids having a baby, it was more like it was a family birth. The way Lady Mary was acting in particular, you would think Anna her sister and not Lady Edith.

"Isn't it exciting Mrs. Hughes?" Carson questioned softly, his wife looking down at her plate.

Elsie stared, not as if her eyes were drilling into the table but as if she were looking off somewhere far in the distance, like she was in another world.

"Elsie?" He questioned again when she didn't reply.

"Oh!" She jumped, startled. "Yes. Yes it is exciting Mr. Carson."

"You are going to be a godmother." He reminded enthusiastically.

"Yes, yes I am." She smiled faintly.

Carson was perplexed. Elsie had been very excited about Anna's baby and her place as its godmother even just weeks earlier but now something had changed. He stared back at her not bothering to question her further but knowing something was very wrong. He had no idea what.

Thomas sympathized with Mrs. Hughes-Carson. He didn't feel term 'exciting' fit the bill and rolled his eyes as he poured himself a bit of wine.

"Can't you be happy for them at all?" Baxter asked in a hushed whisper. Mosley looked on carefully, buttering his bread. "The Bates' have wanted this for a long time." She reminded.

Baxter paused, waiting for an answer. Mosley admired her efforts to encourage Thomas (just as he admired everything else about her) but wondered if she tired of speaking to him like a helpless mother would to a smart-mouthed boy.

Thomas shrugged. "They don't need my happiness or approval Miss Baxter." He looked over at Moseley. "Some people get everything. You of all people should know that, Mr. Moseley."

Thomas got up from the table; excusing himself before Carson could chide him about everything the Bates' had been through.

"What'd he mean by that?" Mosley questioned cluelessly, raising his eyebrow.

Truthfully, Mosley wasn't clueless at all. He, if anyone there knew that some people got everything and others got nothing.

Baxter sighed; looking back toward the door her friend had practically hurried out of, thinking she understood what he met.

"He's right." Mrs. Hughes agreed suddenly, her voice sad. "Some people do get everything."

Carson looked back at his wife, almost offended by her words. Hadn't he given her everything?


	2. It's Coming: Thomas and Mrs Hughes

_**It's Coming**_

Thomas and Mrs. Hughes

"What's wrong with you?" Carson asked, following his wife down the hall. He was in a panic, knowing something wasn't right but he couldn't piece it together.

She stopped and smiled at him reassuringly, placing a hand on his chest. "Nothing's wrong Charlie, nothing at all." She promised, kissing his cheek. "I'm fine love."

"Well, if you're sure…" He paused.

"I'm sure." Her heart sunk as she said it.

"Alright. Just, just making sure. I'm needed back upstairs, I'll see you later." He paused, taking a moment to steal a quick kiss.

She tilted her head, kissing him back with equal appreciation to try to reassure him that whatever was wrong it wasn't between them. She knew him well enough to understand he didn't believe her and wouldn't let this go.

"I love you." She whispered.

"I love you more." He smiled.

Once he was gone she stepped outside into the cold night. She'd gone out to look at the moon, to find a little solace for herself; only to discover that Thomas was already there, sitting on a bench smoking and staring up into the sky.

"You feel the same as me, don't you Mrs. Hughes?"

The question surprised her and she pulled her shawl tightly around her. He hadn't even turned but he knew it was her by the sound of her footsteps. Moreover Thomas, who'd been at Downton since he was a boy, had never had a family really and in someway, Mrs. Hughes was the only real mother he'd ever know. He'd recognize the familiar sound of her footsteps and the reassurance of her presence anywhere. She did not realize that.

"W-what do you mean?" She asked.

He paused, breathing out all the smoke he'd inhaled, it wasn't a sigh on his part for it was far too sarcastic to be one, but to her it said everything she needed to know about the way he was feeling.

"You want to have a baby of your own." He accused, taking another puff of his cigarette. "And you can't have one."

Mrs. Hughes was taken aback, she almost felt violated. How would he know she wanted her own baby? Moreover, how could she discuss this with him when she couldn't even tell her husband? Thomas looked back at her, waiting almost daring her for an answer. In that instant she remembered he wasn't like most men and sat down next to him, looking directly up at the sky, careful not to look in his eyes.

"You like children." She said to him. He nodded. "You're good with them, I've seen it Mr. Barrow. It isn't too late for you, you know."

He laughed, tossing his cigarette to the ground and grinding it into the gravel with his foot. "Too late is an understatement it's just…"

"The wrong life." She paused, the words rolling off her breath and into the night like fate.

"Yes." He paused, staring back at her sympathetically. "If…" He stopped again, it pained him to compliment anyone it was so against his nature. "If it helps you any I don't think you've gone without being a mother."

She looked back at him even more surprised than before, he would tell you the term was stunned. He laughed.

"Good night Mrs. Hughes." He said, getting up and going back in the house, leaving Elsie to stare up into the stars by herself.

"To have gone another way a tad sooner." She bit her lip, begging herself not to wish upon a star as she started to cry.

Thomas had had enough of wishing upon stars. They never came true for him. He wanted what Bates and Anna had and he wanted a family of his own: children he could love unconditionally when he'd never really loved or been loved by anyone. It was his greatest wish, but it was too much to ask for a man like him in a time and place like this. He wondered why he couldn't have been born somewhere different. Someone different.


	3. It's Coming: Lady Edith

_**It's Coming**_

Lady Edith

Upstairs Lady Edith was asking herself exactly the same thing. Tonight was a stark reminder that one did not need rank or wealth to be happy in life; in fact those things, in her mind, could be a hindrance to any happiness she could've had. She sat on her bed brushing Marigold's hair as she played with some of George's toy trains. Edith wanted a proper life with her child more than anything in the world but there just seemed no way to go about it.

She'd been hopeful, for a while, until Mary had wrecked it and destroyed her relationship with Bertie. She didn't even know why she'd stayed at Downton after that. She had money and position, all given to her by Michael and knew she should've left. She'd gone away a lot in the past when she was hurt: when she'd given birth abroad, when she'd gone to find Marigold again and bring her home... Now she was considering another trip, one she wouldn't make on a whim. It would be no small journey. Tom had made the same trip months before and had come home, to Downton… but the thing was Downton was no longer her home. It wasn't lost on her that her child wasn't acceptable, she couldn't be named for who she was or honored for who she was and yet Anna's could be born at Downton and given some kind of place there.

"Marigold?" She asked the child. The small girl looked up at her mother, wanting to pay attention to her toys rather than what she was saying. "How would you like to go on a journey with me?"

The child stared back blankly, not understanding what she met. To her it seemed like her mother was always going here or there and dragging her along for the ride. For a long time, she hadn't even understood Edith was her mother or what a mother really was. She loved Edith, but in some way, Grandma Cora was her stability.

"I want to make a life with you my darling. Just the two of us." She said. "It's the only way, but there is no way… if only we were in another place an time." She kissed the girl's forehead, taking a deep breath, nervous to make her announcement even to the child. "But if we want a future where there is a way for us, for women like me and girls like you… how else do we expect to get it if we just don't make it first? A woman and her daughter alone: no shame."

Edith picked up the letter by her side, studying it carefully, her grandmother's words echoing in her head. There, there was no judgment. 'It looks like.' Mrs. Levinson's handwriting seemed to tease in just the same way her voice always did. 'My Edith learned something from the Modern American girl after all.' The woman had gone to the trouble of drawing a winking eye at the end of her letter, it was ornate, purple and blue and done up like a flapper's heavy make up. "Come to America, Edith.' It said simply at the end. 'There's a whole new world here, this one ready for you.'


End file.
